Must-Seethe TV
Stephen Colbert, who still has six months to tear into these idiots—and whose show has a good chance of outlasting Captain Cankles and his bloated carcass that short-circuits MRI machines—previews the reboot of a beloved 1960’s comedy...
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Verdict: Emmy denied.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, December 4, 2025
Note: Heads up, sky watchers. There’s a “cold supermoon” tonight that will look 14 percent larger and 30 percent brighter than regular store-bought moons. If skies are clear, get yer butt out in the back yard, look up, think of Neil Armstrong and all our departed space-exploration pioneers, and give it a wink. It’s the law.
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By the Numbers:
Saturday!!!
Days 'til we mark Baby Jesus's first fart in the manger: 21
Days 'til the Norwegian Christmas Celebration in Decorah, Iowa: 2
Americans in the 18-29 age bracket polled by YouGov who approved of the job Trump was doing as president in February and November, respectively: 52%, 27%
Percent reduction in cervical cancer risk when the HPV vaccine is used, according to two new large studies: 80%
Amount in heating assistance finally released by the federal government to help Mainers this winter: $40 million
Number of slopes that will be available when Maine's historic Saddleback Mountain ski resort opens for the season tomorrow: 8
Amount for which Prada bought Versace, beating my bid by five dollars: $1.4 billion
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Today’s challenge is “Spot the Next Brownie.” In this game for the whole family, review a list of Bush administration cronies and see if you can pick the next Michael “Heckuva Job” Brown, another disaster waiting for a hurricane.
Scope out the Bird Flu Czar from Amtrak. Stewart Simonson is now in charge of “the protection of the civilian population from acts of bioterrorism and other public health emergencies” according to his government biography. He is also in charge of ensuring the country has adequate vaccines and antiviral meds to combat an avian flu epidemic. This would be peachy-keen if Simonson had any experience in public health, bioterrorism, epidemics, or even management. Unfortunately, he’s a political lawyer. As he recently told a congressional subcommittee, “We’re learning as we go.”
Simonson’s rabbi is former Gov. Tommy Thompson of Wisconsin, who hired him out of law school, took him to Washington as deputy general counsel at Health and Human Services and then got him the job as general counsel of Amtrak. Ed Garvey, a well-known lawyer in Wisconsin political circles, told The Nation magazine, “He’s a political hack, a sycophant. People just laughed when he was appointed to Amtrak, but when word came out that he was in charge of bioterrorism, it turned to alarm. When you realize that people’s lives are at stake, it’s frightening. It’s just one of those moments when you say, ‘Oh, my God.'”
—December 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Learning the basics of oration…
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CHEERS to today's helpful hint from Miss Manners. Here's a tip for the U.S. government when it comes to blowing up boats in international waters: you best be sure your target is made up exclusively of evildoers doing evil deeds. Otherwise, it could all blow up in your own face:
The family of a Colombian fisherman who died in a U.S. military boat strike in September has filed a formal complaint with the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights alleging the U.S. government illegally killed him.
Secretary of War Crimes Pete Hegseth, seen here practicing for his future behind bars.
Alejandro Carranza was killed in a strike in the Caribbean on Sept. 15, according to the petition, filed on Tuesday.
"From numerous news reports, we know that U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was responsible for ordering the bombing of boats like those of Alejandro Carranza and the murder of all those on such boats," according to the petition. "Secretary Hegseth has admitted that he gave such orders despite the fact that he did not know the identity of those being targeted for these bombings and extra-judicial killings."
And here's a bonus tip for everyone else: to live a happy and fulfilling life, moisturize frequently and don’t be like Pete Hegseth in any way whatsoever.
JEERS to getting the big stuff wrong. Shame on you, NBC News. Shame, I say! You—a pinnacle of careful, accurate journalism—should know better than this. Under the headline, "NATO allies gather in Brussels after inconclusive Ukraine peace talks in Moscow," you post this subhead:
After being blindsided by Trump’s 28-point plan, some Europeans have expressed extreme disquiet at being apparently sidelined in talks.
The 28-point plan was actually a one-sided Christmas "wish list" crafted by Russia, and was "clumsily" translated into English. How do I know this—and how should NBC News know this—with such certainty? Because the Trump administration denies it. Case closed. And to you, NBC News: tut tut.
CHEERS to going in circles. On December 4th, 1877, Thomas Edison invented the phonograph in Menlo Park, New Jersey. I love downloading music, but I do miss vinyl. It had character. (Said the sad, bitter old Maine blogger to whomever he'd just drunk-dialed on his rotary phone.)
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to new discoveries. 29 years ago today—ah, 1996, those golden Clinton years—during its Pathfinder mission NASA sent a six-wheeled rover called Sojourner to roam the surface of another planet and gather rocks and other lifeless debris. Moments after landing, the space agency got a call from Newt Gingrich asking them to please come get it off his head.
JEERS to locking and loading for the holidays. Attention 911 dispatchers and paramedics: looks like business is gonna be booming this year with a lot of blam-blams under the Christmas tree. Says here that the FBI was busy again dealing with background check requests on Black Friday, but thankfully the numbers are down:
[T]he FBI’s National Instant Criminal Background Check System (NICS) completed 530,156 background checks related to firearms for the week leading up to, and including, “Black Friday,” one of the busiest shopping days of the year. That figure is down from 2024’s total of 613,380 for the same time period. The 2025 total is a 13.6 percent decrease from the 2024 figure.
Lawn dart background checks were zero, as they are banned for being too dangerous.
NICS completed 165,183 background checks on “Black Friday” alone. The figure approximates firearm sales at retail on that day, although it also includes background checks for other purposes related to firearms such as approvals for concealed carry permits.
As a public service, C&J offers our usual helpful tip for Santa when he goes about his business in 21 days: swap out the fur suit for Kevlar.
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 4, 2015
JEERS to the school of hard Glocks. I try to learn a new lesson every day, and the lesson I learned yesterday is that a gang of cops can surround a black guy holding a knife (but threatening no one) and execute him in a hail of hot lead, and the whole thing can be caught on video, and the cops will stand around high-fiving each other for being such noble arbiters of justice. The lesson I'm learning today: I have no reason to believe that I'll ever have reason to unlearn what I learned yesterday.
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And just one more…
JEERS to perilous playthings. I probably should've mentioned this item a couple weeks ago before the entire country went shopping for toys over the Thanksgiving holiday. The Public Interest Research Group is out with their annual report on dangerous toys, and the good news is that, on the whole, toys are safer than ever. As usual, toys whose chemical levels are too big, noise levels are too loud, or whose parts are too small topped the list. And in the internet age there's another hazard parents should watch for: "connected toys" and A.I.-related gizmos that hoover up your kids' personal information in possible violation of privacy and consumer protection laws. Meanwhile, the Cheers and Jeers Public Safety Commission and Unlicensed Liquor Institute has a few additions that the PIRG missed:
The Li'l Warrior Happy 57E6 Surface to Air Missile: Could pose a choking hazard to children 5 and under; may also be detrimental to flowerbeds.
Tickle Me Vladimir Action Figure: May cause World War III. May also have a variety of venereal diseases.
And don’t get us started on the potential hazards of Exxon’s Junior Happy Fun Oil Refinery Explosion Playset. (Evacuation loudspeakers sold separately.)
Playskool Mexico-Funded U.S. Border Wall: No particular danger to kids, but parents should know that this is just an empty box.
Tunnel Me Brain Worm: If you liked Tickle Me Elmo, you’ll love this soon-to-be holiday favorite. At least that’s what RFK Jr. says.
J.D. Vance Gives A Speech Play Set: May cause children to die of boredom. Adults, too.
Make America Great Again baseball cap: Side effects include lower IQ, frothing at the mouth, and delusions that Daddy's coal job is coming back.
Ho Ho Ho! You've been warned.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Bill in Portland Maine may be an idiot, but at least he's not smart."
—Michael Mora, Wonkette
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